pick yourself back up, on leg at a time

i kind of left a gloomy mood in the last last blog i posted, haha.

it was a while back ago. Haven't done much with this blogging thing, even though i check my friend's one on here like, every other day :P

things have definitely gotten better since january. for one, the project wasn't a total failure. as a matter of fact, she absolutely adored it ^^ and i got a pretty 100 on it ;]

my mood has definitely improved lately, but it's only started recently. I think it has to do with talking to daniel, my cousin who i hadn't talked to in over three months? yeah.

we talked about my "friend" dilemma, the one that i mentioned i don't talk to anymore, and he sort of helped me see things in a new light. It's amazing how talking to someone else about something without actually taking any action makes life seem so much easier. I've been able to deal with things head on lately, and life just seems more fufilling now. I guess in some ways i was depressed.

I also figured out i have (had?) acute depression, and cronic anxiety. I looked it up in this bigass blue book my mom has here at home, and i have all the symptoms, which is kind of scary lol.

i guess in one way it just helps to know why i'll act a certain way. Now that i know why, it's just plain easier to deal.

i haven't talked to angelique in a while though, but she's visiting Florida this week, and i'm so excited to see her again! we were planning on going to Universal, like we used to do in the good old days, haha xD

god i miss that girl, she really is my best friend, and i don't know what i'd do without her.

on another note, today we had FCAT.

i know the first thing that comes along with that is "FUCK!" but, it wasn't so bad. As a matter of fact, i was looking forward to it, and it was really easy. The prompt i had was "why do people save things?" it was really easy to answer why, and i feel like i pwned that test ;]

i gave reasons like sentimental value, real value like gold, historical value, and family heirloom-like items. I used lots of figurative language, which sometimes i come up pretty short on, so i'm super happy about that. I even put in a harry potter reference, haha. Carly would be so proud of me ! ^^

Last week i had the flu, and so now this week i'm stuck trying to make up work. It's sort of difficult, i keep getting distracted from it. Like now for instance, rather than reading for history or studying for the math test i have, i'm on here, on this blogwhatsitnot, writing about it rather than actually doing it.

don't you just love procrastination?

i mean i've done some, the easy and important stuff, but there's much more that i could be doing, although i feel as if i'm going to need more than just a week to finish all of this, becuase on top of that, i've also got homework.

maybe tomorrow i'll get the majority of the stuff done, becuase it is wednesday, so i'll have an extra hour to finish.


uh..


it's valentine's day this saturday.



joy.


valentine's has always been a bad day for me, but it got worse starting last year, so my heart's permanently scarred.

last year i gave a card to my bestfriend (not angelique) confessing my feelings towards her, and well.


yeah, she didn't feel the same way.

i shouldn't have expected different, i just wanted her to know, i guess? i was tired of hiding it. But a part of me wishes that i hadn't told her, becuase even though it's been a year, it's still different when i'm around her.


GAHHH. I hate valentine's day.

people put too much emphasis on it.

god, i'm afraid what i'd do if i actually had a valentine. just thinking about getting someone something for valentine's day is nerve racking becuase i wouldn't know what to get them.

i'm gonna get off this thing now before i start thinking too much about it. i need to take a shower anyways.